I recently cut my hair; all of it. I’ve been asked countless times why. I’m really not so sure why. The only “why” I know is why I grew my hair long to begin with. I was reminded of this as my hair began to grow back. As you can see from this detailed (and frighteningly accurate) diagram, there are two reasons why I miss my longer hair. [Reason 1]: Sideways ‘fro; otherwise known as “bozo” hair. This would be a very good explanation as to why I was never seen without a hat. [Reason 2]: I needed something to cover my face. I always used to wonder if my face was crooked, or if it was just my glasses. People always reassured me it was my glasses. I must have had dozens of pairs of glasses, and strangely they were all crooked. Well now that I’m liberated from glasses, I know they were lying.

A video of our adventure picking out a Christmas tree, and a time lapse of our tree decorating.

Joshua and Donita Meyer - 2007

Author: pickture
Keywords: christmas decoration tree timelapse time lapse
Added: December 26, 2007

1. My website ranks higher in a google search for “josh mayer” or “josh meir” than it does for the correct spelling of my name, “josh meyer”
2. I’ve been working hard to get people to visit this website which doesn’t sell anything and ultimately has no purpose
3. Exactly 55.79% of the visitors to this website are from France and probably can’t read it anyway
4. The most searched for phrase on this site is “search this site” which is the default text in the search box
5. My wife laughs harder when she reads my blog posts that weren’t meant to be funny
6. This blog has been nominated for worst blog of all time.
7. Approximately 0.000003% of internet users visit my website, according to alexa.com.

Sweet, this blog has been nominated for Worst Blog of All Time! This is an extreme high honor and quite an accomplishment, so go there and vote for photricity.com for worst blog of all time. (or other categories if you must)

My wife felt like she would be cool and use the word flabbergasted. Then she asked me what the definition was. “It sounds like someone’s personal problem,” she said. And it does. Just imagine someone saying, “He he, ’scuse me, I flabbergasted.” Or, “I can’t eat that. It gives me flabbergastion.” I can see someone calling in to work: “I have a flabbergasture of 73.9 and I think it’s contagious because my wife is looking awful flabberghastly.”

Most addictions are at least somewhat understandable. You always hear about drug and alcohol addictions, and there’s always activists and help groups for each. Stuff messes with your brain, I can understand that.

There are, however, some addictions that I don’t understand. In my mind, coffee is one of the worst addictions of all. Pretty much everyone is addicted to the stuff, and no one even cares. There are no activists and no help groups, because it’s just normal to be addicted to coffee. It’s so bad that if the supply of coffee was suddenly cut off, like three quarters of the population would experience massive headaches and nausea from withdrawal. People might even become murderers and criminals. Who knows what people will resort to when they don’t have coffee to control them.

Another addict I don’t understand is my wife Donita. She’s been struggling with an addiction her whole life. I’ve tried to get her some help, but of course there are no helplines for this. My wife is addicted to eye boogers. Whenever she sees a gooey ball of matter in someone’s eye, she’s compelled to react with an “Oh! Oh! Can I get it??” And while she probably wouldn’t go through withdrawal, I’m just a little tired of having someone’s finger in my eye all the time.

There’s this fly buzzing around our apartment that just won’t die. He always narrowly escapes. He’s like the Jackie Chan of insects. I thought about bringing out the heavy artillery and obliterating the pest, but then that might look funny to declare war against an enemy the size of a booger. So we felt a little sorry for the little guy, and we considered adopting him as a pet. That only lasted until we remembered that we’re not allowed to have pets in our apartment. But that opens a whole nother can of larvae. We’ve gotta get that thing out of here before somebody finds out. War it is.

If I were a genius, I would design a credit card with no rewards, an account set up fee of $29, a program fee of $95, an annual fee of $48, and a monthly servicing fee of $84. Then I would booger glue a fake credit card onto the paper, call it “WaMu” for whatever reason, and send it to a geek named Josh. That way he would write about it on his blog and my card would be famous.

I’m trying to figure out the difference between when my wife is awake or sleeping. You would think I’d be able to tell her status by having a conversation with her. Not so much the case.

Awake:
Donita: “The ladies are outside playing Yahtzee.”
Me: “Who’s outside?”
Donita: “The ladies”
Me: “Why are they outside?”
Donita: “They’re playing Yahtzee.”

Sleeping:
Donita: “I put the leftover chicken in the fridge.”
Donita: “Then I opened it up to eat some.”
Donita: “But it was cold.”
Me: “Sadness”

The cool part about my job is that pretty much everyone thinks they can do my job better than I can. That makes my job a boat load easier because then all I have to do is move my mouse to wherever they touch my screen with their fingers. This frees up my mind to think about my happy place, or what I should have for lunch.

[More positive thinking]

Q: I hear that you got married. Congratulations. Any news yet?
A: No. Come back in two or three or eight years.

Q: So, how’s married life?
A: Beyond words.

Q: Would you have some time to work on this project for me?
A: Of course. What year would you like it done by?

Q: Why did you shave your head?
A: Just to shave my head.

Q: Why isn’t the internet working?
A: That online game you keep playing finally crashed the internet and it’s all gone now because of you.

If you’re one of the 0.002 people who visit this blog regularly, you may have noticed that I haven’t written anything on here since I was married a month and a half ago. You’re welcome. I’ve had a lot of things occupying my time. Did I mention I was married? I’m hoping to launch my new website soon. When that happens I’ll be moving this blog directly to photricity.com. My site will have a lot more functionality then, and it will be a lot easier for me to update it. Not that anyone cares how easy I make my own job. But unfortunately for you, you’ll have a lot more of this garbage to read.

More pictures

How many times can Donita say “stop” in 30 seconds?

How many times can Donita say "stop" in 30 seconds? Starring: Donita

Author: pickture
Keywords: stop donita
Added: September 13, 2007

Pastor Randy Williamson rides a bull for Speed The Light

Author: pickture
Keywords: bull riding steer rodeo
Added: August 28, 2007

A music video of our vacation

Author: pickture
Keywords: deeper
Added: February 20, 2007

Based on the book "Heartbreaker" by Julie Garwood.

Author: pickture
Keywords: movie murder mystery suspense action
Added: January 2, 2007